Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
