I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
