I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
