How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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