batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
