No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
