chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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