i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
