some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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