i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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