Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
zippers are such a cool invention
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
