I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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