There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
