Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
