he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
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