Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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