His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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