What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
