when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
