Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
