I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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