That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
