Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
