She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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