I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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