Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
