I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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