I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
