Just fell off a train. Bad.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
