eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
