Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
