I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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