forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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