i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
