Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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