so explain again why im purple
no
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
