SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
