I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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