So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Less talking, more tequila
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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