if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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