We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
