I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
