apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize