i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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