He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
