I just made out with a guy for $7.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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