You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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