Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
