I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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