My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize