so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
