i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
