Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
