somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
