no, he came in my armpit
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
