So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
