I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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