The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
