Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
