Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
