It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
