She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
