I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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