Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
