dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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