He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
