Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
