Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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