Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
