Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
