at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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